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Joey Nova's Sextacular! Sextacular! Photo ©2010 Melody Mudd.
Joey Nova surrounded by gorgeous performers, as usual, at the top of the Sextacular! Sextacular! premiere at Hiro Ballroom, January 30, 2010. Clockwise from Joey, who is the hot guy in the photo: Marcee Beaucoup, Sizzle Dizzle, Bird of Paradise, Vikki Likkerish and Stella Bordella. This is the teaser shot, folks. Please tune in shortly for the full photo essay by yours truly.
For lots and lots of burlesque photos, See Melody’s flickr photostream here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/43399907@N03/
I am so deeply ashamed that I will be unable to make it to Key West for what promises to be unprecedented bad-ass-ness, produced by some of my favorite people on the scene, Tatah Dujour, Marky Peirson (both of Key West), and our local lovely, Jen Gapay. Plus, I’ve never been to Key West and when I met Marky Pierson at the Slip he made it sound positively inscrutable. Plus, I bet it’s warm there. But as I keep sayin’ like a CD player stuck on repeat, soon as someone starts paying me for my trouble, the easier it’ll be for me to cover every scene I’m invited to. Well, that’s just J.D. singin’ the blues. As for the rest of you, if you have the means, I strongly recommend it. Drop by and check it out.
(The following is lifted blatantly from the press release:)
The first annual Burlesque Holiday Extravaganza takes over downtown Key West this week! Key West’s Marky Pierson & Tatah Dujour present a wild four day event with two huge rip roaring glamorific shows with over 25 amazing performers from far away lands. The first annual event is co-produced with NYC’s hot impresario of nightlife, Jen Gapay of Thirsty Girl Productions.
With performances by Dirty Martini, Michelle L’amour, Julie Atlas Muz, Indigo Blue, Lily Verlaine, Trixie Little, Jo Boobs, Little Brooklyn, Gigi Lafemme, Lux Lacroix, Roxi D’lite, Tatah Dujour, Nasty Canasta, Minnie Tonka, Darlinda Jus Darlinda, Ophelia Flame, Clams Casino, Harvest Moon, Cheeky Derriere, Moana Amour, and Anita Cookie… Hot Toddy, Tigger! The Evil Hate Monkey, Jonny Porkpie, Seal Boy, and Mr Marquee Vonfister, and featuring Murray Hill!
Tickets here and for all the info you could ever want check out Key West Burlesque. Please go! Since I can’t!
Marky & Tatah, break legs and world records!
kiss kiss,
JDX
Gelber, Manning and Joseph Jefferson
(lost items from the last decade)
Congratulations are in order to Patrick and Andre Soluri on the raging success of New Year’s Eve’ Eve Salon, once again at the Player’s Club. Night before New Year’s, piercing cold, the door had only been open for a half hour, and the line was around the block. When I did make it in, I checked the nexus of the party—the dance floor, ruled by the swingers, jitterbuggers and lindy hoppers, getting off to the fat sounds of George Gee’s Jump Jivin Wailers—stopped by the bar—seriously reeling by the unexpected masses—gave up, and ran smack into Andre. I told him the obvious: “The line is around the block.” He shifted his weight, a bit uncomfortably, and said, almost sheepishly, “We’re not really ‘line around the block’ people.” You are now! It’s worth mention, especially considering that a) the vast majority of the guests at the event were playing by the rules (i.e. dressed to kill) and b) that everyone I talked to seemed to know someone somehow connected to the event. Read: word-of-mouth goodness, low douchebag ratio.
Custom Mad Lib (JDX) with fill-ins by Gal Friday, Minnie Tonka and Jo Boobs
Have I said how much I hate Christmas? I know, I’ve been too busy to properly VENT, the way blogs were intended. Didn’t even post my much-needed-by-society “Subway Etiquette,” which should have been obvious to anyone who had to ride a train since Thanksgiving. Whatevs. Humbug. Carriage return.
IF I have anything to look forward for NEXT year’s holiday season, it will be a rerun of this year’s piece of inflaccid brilliance by Bastard Keith et al, “B.K. Saves Chanukah” as part of the Burlesque Blitz at the Kraine. Pity it was only went one night. I would have gone back. Effin hilarious, totally hot, and quite possibly the most seamless blend of narrative, nudity, and ne’er-do’well-otry this reporter has seen on a thrust stage. (I know, Kraine’s technically not a thrust, but it’s not a black box either and there just aren’t any good double entendre’s coming off of “proscenium.” Perineum? Peritoneum? Forget it.) If there had been live music—and a door man who didn’t blow smoke in my face, mumble “Ah’m ‘bout to kick someone’s ass” and then, when I said “Excuse me?” bark that he was “On the phone”—well, if there’d been live music, anyway, I would have been in pervert/nudey-junky/bad-joke heaven.
In that infamous dead week between Xmas and New Year’s, your friends at Wassabasco Burlesque—along with a who’s who of conjoining producers—are blowing up at the Burlesque Blitz at the Kraine Theatre. Sunday night the saga got rolling with the rollicking waves of Brian Fisherman’s band, an evening set up as a hallucination—Fisherman trapped on a deserted island with only his memories of Coney Island and its fair denizens—the dreamlike sound of the vibraphone spelling hallucinations for all of us.
Bastard Keith, Madame Rosebud & Minnie Tonka. Sketch by Luma Rouge
Last Wednesday—I know, I know, but aren’t we all running a little behind? ‘Tis the season for tardiness, crankiness, and all-round bad cheer—I managed to wrap up my other nonsense and slip down into the basement Under St. Mark’s just in time. I had come with a purpose: to see Minnie Tonka’s “Revealed” debut. Madame Rosebud greeted me warmly, called me her “favorite pervert”—which I don’t believe for a second, not with B.K. standing right there—and rubbed some body glitter on my face. Miss Astrid’s words were dancing through my mind like sugar plum fairies: “Body glitter: the herpes of burlesque.” The crowd was already rowdy, passing bottles of wine and yukking it up like extras, and somebody reeked of reefer—or maybe it was my wishful thinking. Minnie stood off to the side in a boxer’s silk robe decked out with a larger-than-life star of David on the back, ready for the ring. The joint was frigid, the twin turkeys already done.
Like I keep on saying, it’s the busiest time of the year and everyone should be excused for acting like straight-up maniacs. But no one’s excused. The complaint barometer is measuring tropical levels of homicidality, and even an average ride on the subway will send the most mild-mannered librarian’s blood pressure through the proverbial roof. Wait—is there actually a proverb about a roof? Must be, that book is like a hundred pages long. I digress. So the busiest night of the busiest season was Saturday, December 12th. I was triple-booked and sending regrets that I actually regretted. Top of the list was the Schlep Sisters’ Menorah Horah, which I totally missed, and was totally bummed. I heard that it was killer diller, but unfortunately the source of my news was none too forthcoming. Something something something about a Darlinda Just Darlinda act set on a musical medley ranging well over 12 minutes. Which Minnie Tonka corrected by saying it was a little over 6. Or something. I may have been drunkles by the time I heard that part. Oh, and I missed the Winter Ball, but Dr. K made the scene, so… I’m still bummed about missing it but you’re not. I DID have tickets to “Streetcar Names Desire,” about which I will keep my mouth shut. Not because I don’t have anything to say—come on, kids, this is your Unkle J.D. talkin’, and I got somethin’ to say ‘bout EVERYthing—but because what I think you really want to hear about is Albert Cadabra’s Birthday Party at the Slip. What? It’s—what day?—and you’re just now telling us about what you did last Saturday???
Busiest night, busiest time of year.
OR: Great Bacon at a Jewelry Show, Indian Sob Stories at a Dance Show, Bluegrass at a Chinese Restaurant, and a Crooner, a Sword Swallower, and the Junior-Miss-Pussycat-Dolls on Concrete Lily Pads
Madame Rosebud
By J.D. Oxblood
Saturday, Dec. 5, 2009
Yes, it’s true, I totally and completely hate Christmas. And Xmas. And “The Holiday Season.” And your mom’s eggnog and your grandma’s fruitcake. Though I will drink the rum your mom bought for the eggnog while flirting with your grandma’s granddaughter in the kitchen—coz let’s face it, the only bitchin’ aspect of the descent of winter (and accompanying descent of commercialized hordes on sidewalks and subways)—is the party-hopping potential. Office parties, house parties, annual parties… so long as the snacks are delish, the booze is flowin’ and the babes are randy, bring it on, and keep the scenes varietal so the flavors rotate like a lazy susan spicerack.
The Minsky Sisters ~ photo by Erin Patrice O'Brien
The Minsky Sisters have been on our radar for some time, so we asked them to tell us about themselves.
CC: We’re here with Jen and Kristen, the Minsky Sisters! Hello!
Jen: Hello!
Kristen: Hello!
CC: When did you guys get your act together, so to speak?
Jen: We’ve been performing together for several years but Minsky sisters became a thing July 2008. Our friend Shien Lee, the producer of Dances of Vice, asked us if we would do a tap number. Both of us have been dancing for most of our lives. And we didn’t have a name, we were just ourselves. We didn’t have an identity, and we performed just thinking we were gonna do just one dance and that was going to be it. But people really liked us and we started getting asked to perform at other venues, not just Dances of Vice, and we thought, OK, I guess we’re a thing now — an act. So we got a name.
BB Heart as Faye Valentine from Cowboy Bebop
Last Saturday night was the latest installment of Nelson Lugo and Shaffer the Dark Lord’s series of entertainments predicated on puerile pleasures. Last time around it was “Video Game Vixens.” This time it’s “Cartoons!” The genre of entertainment is burlesque, and the conceit is “Saturday morning when we were kids.” The tagline for the show ran thusly: “the boys and girls celebrate cartoons and the brightly-colored foxes that star in them. Pour a bowl of Cap’N Crunch and gather ’round the boob tube, because this month, EPIC WIN is gonna party like it’s Saturday morning!” Yes indeedy. Six lovely ladies did burlesque routines as six fairly well known Saturday morning cartoon females: Miss Mary Cyn as Bugs Bunny (dressed as a chick — natch), Lefty Lucy as Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls, Victoria Privates as the chick who sang “Unpack Your Adjectives” on Schoolhouse Rock (Blossom Dearie), Bonnie Voy’age as She-Ra, BB Heart as Faye Valentine from Cowboy Bebop, Magdalena Fox as April O’Neil from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Nasty Canasta
Here at Cultural Capitol’s unofficial Jonny Porkpie month, we’ve kept you well-versed in the upcoming and ongoing atrocities spewing from the mind of Pork. It all came to a boil last Saturday at Lurid Pulp!—the promised show-based-on-a-book-based-on-a-show tie-in to Jonny’s new book from Hard Case Crime. I already feel like I’m repeating myself, I’m getting overwhelmed just reading the back of the program (busy beavers at Pinchbottom—check out Naked Girls Reading a Christmas Carol, Filthy Lucre, How the Pinch Stole Xmas, etc.) and I got this avian-flu-bearing turkey breathing down my neck, so let’s keep it short—no spoilers! This is a murder mystery!—and dig the pix.
Don’t forget, Lurid Pulp! Plays this Saturday at 45 Bleecker so it’s not too late.
Jonny Porkpie’s pulp novel THE CORPSE WORE PASTIES, in which Jonny Porkpie witnesses the death of a burlesque performer, will be released by Hard Case Crime later this month. To promote the book, Pinchbottom Burlesque is producing Lurid Pulp!, an interactive-murder-mystery-book-release-party-burlesque-show, in which Jonny’s fellow burlesque performers finally read Jonny’s book, recognize themselves, and decide to kill him. Metafictional fu! I recently met up with Jonny Porkpie at Ward III to chat about pulp fiction, producing burlesque, and being an egotistical bastard.
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Hungarian Burlesque Legend La Savona signs vintage photographs of herself for fans at Miss Exotic World, Vegas, June 2009. Photo by Melody Mudd.
November is Pork month here at Cultural Capitol, and I am talking bacon but no cops. As a prelude to the interview (watch for it next week), which will promote the show, which promotes the book, and is also based on the book, which is based on the show, which is the circular demented logic that is Jonny Porkpie—Dr. K and I dropped by Pubic Ass to see Jonny’s latest Bad Idea, Porkhart—a fantasy in which Jonny is a rock star fronting the band Porkhart who jams up a gig by inviting burlesque performers. Band in this case is played by the capable and flexible Rebecca Hart and the Sexy Children—and, mercifully, Jonny doesn’t do much singing.
James Tigger! Fergeson as The Great Longing and Taylor Mac as The Lily. Photo by Ves Pitts.
“Our language can be seen as an ancient city: a maze of little streets and squares, of old and new houses with additions from various periods; and this surrounded by a multitude of new boroughs with straight regular streets and uniform houses.” —Wittgenstein
For “The Lily’s Revenge,” Taylor Mac’s latest opus at HERE, he borrowed the 5-act structure of classical Noh theatre to construct this whopping five-hour piece—magical, intellectual, hysterical, and linguistically acrobatic. The audience is led—by the divine, effervescent, and perpetually bubbly World Famous *BOB*—from lobby to theatre and back for each “recess,” during which the audience is entertained by short, punchy acts meant to reference Japanese Kyogen. Now, forget about Noh because I won’t mention it again for another three hours.
As the city’s most twisted burlesque enthusiast, I see a LOT of naked women. So imagine my surprise when I discovered myself actually UPSET that I would be missing a show that promises to feature none of them. I’m talking about Dame Cuchifrita, of Brown Girls Burlesque fame, performing tonight at 8pm at Convent of St. Cecillia, 21 Monitor St., Greenpoint, Brooklyn.
I first went to Bali in 1996, specifically to see dance, and was spiritually hypnotized by the people, the food, the music—gamelan orchestras that play with a freneticism you simply won’t hear in Java—and yes, the dance. The Legong specifically, which features young women and even very young girls, dressed in such tightly-wrapped sarongs that you wonder how they can even move, yet moving so captivatingly, with such exacting prescribed movements—fingers, eyes—that the spirit of the music and the movement washes over you and turns your soul inside out. Yes, the arak helps, as does the bebek tutu. I’m not going to get all anthropologist here, but anyone interested in theatre or dance should take an interest in the Balinese school, which envelops spirituality and the need to keep the world’s balance in check. If I had an intern I’d have her search Youtube for that old Margaret Mead video of the Barong and Rangda dance—straight-up trippy.
So imagine my surprise—our very own Dame Cuchifrita is a former Legong dancer, and tonight’s show promises to encompass “Balinese Dance that is centuries old, in a convent.” This is a rare opportunity to see a time-tested tradition blended with a much younger, yet also time-tested tradition. Think Ann Corio possessed by Kali and you’re there.
The show is free, and part of AUNTS ROADSHOW, and you’re encouraged to bring an item to donate to the Free Bar, where you can shop and drink for free all night. Bagus!
Get thee to Greenpoint and get some religion. Tell me about it, and get some pictures. And if you see Cuchifrita, ask her, “Apa kabar?” And if she asks you, the answer is “baik.”
Kiss kiss,
JDX
This Friday, November 6th, check out the glorious return of This Is Burlesque with The Pontani Sisters and Murray Hill!
Cultural Capitol talked to Angie Pontani about the new space and the new show. “The new space is fantastic,” she told us. The stage is upstairs at Sweet Carolines on West 45th between 8th and 9th Avenues. “It has a much larger stage and better sight lines for the audience, yet it maintains the intimate style of Corio. We are also pretty excited to be in Times Square!”
If you loved the extended Pontani burlesque famiglia you won’t be disappointed with the new lineup. Murray Hill, The Pontani Sisters (Angie, Helen, and Peekaboo Pointe) with guests-in-residence Melody Sweets and Little Brooklyn are still the hardest working family in showbiz.
I asked if there were any surprises in store for the upcoming run. “Yes,” Angie said, there will be “new numbers for sure and bigger and better then ever. With such a large stage we are going to be able to use more props and perform larger group numbers. The Gin Bath act has a new home — I am so excited to do that act every weekend!”
Friday will be an extra special evening because it is also Angie’s birthday! (Happy birthday!)
Get your tickets now!
This Is Burlesque
Every Friday and Saturday night at 9:30
Sweet Carolines, 322 West 45th Street
For advance tickets call 212-977-3884
Halloween weekend 2009 was as Halloweenie as you can get. The night itself, when ghouls and ghosts walk the spooky streets of New York, fell on a Saturday. The moon was almost (but not quite) full, and by all accounts it was more debauched than a Night on Bald Mountain. November 1st — All Saints Day — fell respectfully on a gray, cold Sunday, perfect weather for nursing a hangover with comforting dim sum and a bloody mary.
Cold sobriety is the kind of thing you have to ease into though — as hostess-with-the-mostest Calamity Chang knows very well. Tasty eats and visual treats are necessary on Sunday eve to ease a soul back into the work-a-day Purgatory awaiting on Monday. That is why she put together Dim Sum Burlesque at Chow Bar, which will run every Sunday for the rest of the month, and possibly the rest of the year. Calamity Chang told me they are booked for the rest of November, but you might be able to score a table if you walk in. No-shows are held until 9:00. I for one would love to have dim sum burlesque at Chow Bar on Sunday January 3rd 2010.
Kissy Wishes
It’s a Monday night. You’re shattered from the weekend. Your kitchen looks like the floor of a movie theater, and the rest of your apartment like a hotel room used by Van Halen, circa 1984. You’ve seen so many naked bodies in the last 48 you’re beginning to feel like a nudist. You hauled butt past hungover and are half a teaspoon of vanilla away from getting your buzz back. All you want to do is lie on your couch, watch “How I Met Your Mother,” eat some bad Chinese delivery, and pass out. So why would you want to leave the house?
The answer: The Vroom Room.
Diane Naegel
We here at CC were intrigued by the Jazz Aged themed parties called “Wit’s End“, so we decided to talk to their hostess to find out more.
CC: Hi Diane! I guess my first question is, where are you from, if not from NYC? Why did you move here, what do you do for work, if that isn’t planning these events? What got you into this style of dress / music / literature? Who is your favorite artist in those genres / periods? What are your other interests? For example, are you into Steam Punk, Victorian Gothic, or 40s swing?; alternatively, do you like macs and cheese, Big Macs, macrobiotic vegan fare? Macrame, textiles, rough spun yarn or spandex? Are you also active in theater or music?
Diane N: I’m actually from the Midwest- Cincinnati, Ohio! I went to fashion school there, and the University of Cincinnati has a cooperative education program where you take six paid internships in your field while you’re in school- so I got to live here in NYC, Seattle, and LA while I was getting my degree…so if you look at it that way, I’ve lived here off and on since 2000- but permanently for the last 4+ years. I’m an accessory designer by day- I actually do all of the kids accessories for OshKosh B’gosh!
Friday, October 16, 2009.
What is the most sexy part of a woman that you’ve never seen at a burlesque show?
Sarah Tolar
The event known as The Salon started in Patrick Soluri’s apartment, but by his own admission, it just “got too big.” Falling into a comfortable niche to the right of the full-on burlesque scene and to the left of overpriced (though fab) modern legal “speakeasies,” the Salon promises “lounging, dancing, and swinging in style.”
I’ll be the judge of that.
Bastard Keith with Burlesque Beauties, After-After Party at the Slip, Sat Night
Once again, mad congratulations to everyone who helped make the 2009 New York Burlesque Festival a smashing good time. Remember, what happens in the Slipper Room STAYS in the Slipper Room. Big thanks to Angie Pontani and Jen Gapay for bringing us out, and special love and shout-outs to Minnie Tonka, Vicky Sin (can’t believe it took an a*hole like me to buy you a drink in NYC), Darlinda Just Darlinda, Bastard Keith and Madame Rosebud, Brian Newman, and Mel Huckabee. And Scotty, I’ll send you that picture but if you show it around I’m coming to SF and kicking your ass. I’ll bring a stepladder.
And now, for your viewing pleasure, a few out-of-pocket photos from behind (under, around, whatevs) the scenes:
Sunday, October 4, 2009. The red carpet is calling, and the stars of burlesque are panting for the envied Golden Pasties—and the enthusiasts are panting for the stars of burlesque. It’s been a long weekend, and still, we can’t seem to get enough. If you missed the show—and I pity you—and you want to hear the most outrageous, most scandalous moments of the evening, you’ll have to get me drunk and beat it out of me. Those moments shan’t be repeated here. Just being in the room—in this case, Le Poisson Rouge—with this crowd on a night such as this is akin to sitting in on a gossip session with your sister’s friends as they dish on boys. You know you’re getting the good stuff, and you feel privy to the machinations of a secret society. You just won’t talk. I blush just thinking of Murray Hill’s digital—and by digital I mean fingers, not non-analog—impersonations of… no, really, you had to be there.
Read the rest of this entry »
| J.D. was a hack and a scoundrel |
| Who dreamt of writing less mongrel |
| His own heart was true |
| And he aimed for haiku |
| But his hangover left him with doggerel. |
| Read the rest of this entry » |
And the results are in!!!
The hottest freshman: Lil Miss Lixx
Best body: Dirty Martini
Most Luggage: Amber Ray
Most likely to appear in Playboy: Angie Pontani
Most scandalous: Gravity Plays Favorites
Most elegant: Amber Ray
Biggest hair: Darlinda Just Darlinda
Hottest mess: Wild Card Kitty
Most sensual: Tie: Kellita & Peekaboo Pointe
Retired revue most missed: Starshine Burlesque
Most classic: Dirty Martini
Kissing bandit: Tigger!
Donald Trump of burlesque: Angie Pontani
Most creative/innovative: Darlinda Just Darlinda
Most likely to end up in Bangkok missing a kidney: Sparkly Devil
Hottest cougar: Jo Boobs
Positively perfect posterior: Helen Pontani
Hells yeah!
(Sat. & Sun. coverage coming soon… xx JDX)
Friday, October 2, 2009. The Bell House, Brooklyn.
It’s almost impossible to imagine history, even in the clarity of hindsight—not that our hindsight has any clarity, since we were all younger and drunker when history happened and, thankfully, we’ve forgotten the dingier incidents. But seven years ago, two enterprising young women got it into their heads to start a burlesque festival in the greatest city on earth. Fast forward through the post-game of a terrorist attack, an economic sinkhole, the election of a black president—and now a thousand people have schlepped out to Gowanus and are screaming their fool heads off for a Japanese guy to take off his clothes. (Sergei—Japan’s George Michael Jackson.)
Thursday, October 1, 2009. A chilly fall eve as we stand outside in anticipation, a heat building in our hearts and souls for the love of glamour, fanfare, and… nekkid women. As they say in the south, naked is when you got no clothes on; nekkid is when you got no clothes on and are up to no good. Amen.
Marky Pierson sent this video to J. D. who asked me to post it. (He’s exploring the jungles of Central America until the beginning of August.) He said he got it in response to something he said about wanting to see Dirty Martini bowling in Vegas.
Helen Pontani, Murray Hill, Peekaboo Pointe and Little Miss Lixx
By J.D. Oxblood
We made the scene Saturday night to witness the LAST installment of “This is Burlesque” in SoHo—Corio is closing, “TIB” is looking for a new home, and due to Angie Pontani’s absence, the show was to feature a rare Gotham appearance of Windy City powerhouse Michelle L’amour. To make the night even more interesting—or perhaps because I’m a self-sadist—I invited a literary agent along to accompany us. How did that happen? Well, after a controversial post lambasting the agenting industry—a post that drew wild criticisms as well as accusations that I’m merely an embittered failed writer (I take offense at “merely.” Oh, and it’s JADED AND CYNICAL, not bitter)—one of the agents I indirectly insulted actually found me on FB. Keep your enemies closer, indeed. Charmed and bewildered by this response, I countered and invited her out for a night of drinks, howling, and hot ladies taking their clothes off. You know, the basics.
