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November is Pork month here at Cultural Capitol, and I am talking bacon but no cops.  As a prelude to the interview (watch for it next week), which will promote the show, which promotes the book, and is also based on the book, which is based on the show, which is the circular demented logic that is Jonny Porkpie—Dr. K and I dropped by Pubic Ass to see Jonny’s latest Bad Idea, Porkhart—a fantasy in which Jonny is a rock star fronting the band Porkhart who jams up a gig by inviting burlesque performers.  Band in this case is played by the capable and flexible Rebecca Hart and the Sexy Children—and, mercifully, Jonny doesn’t do much singing.

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James Tigger! Fergeson as The Great Longing and Taylor Mac as The Lily. Photo by Ves Pitts.

“Our language can be seen as an ancient city: a maze of little streets and squares, of old and new houses with additions from various periods; and this surrounded by a multitude of new boroughs with straight regular streets and uniform houses.”  —Wittgenstein

For “The Lily’s Revenge,” Taylor Mac’s latest opus at HERE, he borrowed the 5-act structure of classical Noh theatre to construct this whopping five-hour piece—magical, intellectual, hysterical, and linguistically acrobatic.  The audience is led—by the divine, effervescent, and perpetually bubbly World Famous *BOB*—from lobby to theatre and back for each “recess,” during which the audience is entertained by short, punchy acts meant to reference Japanese Kyogen.  Now, forget about Noh because I won’t mention it again for another three hours.

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City Winery, May 2008

Anita Cookie, Sizzle Dizzle and Gigi Lafemme at City Winery, May 2008, shot with film by Melody Mudd

I believe they were singing Thank Heaven for Little Girls, from the film “Gigi” – it was fabulous and hilarious. Were you there? Please tell us about it…and Happy Friday!

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As the city’s most twisted burlesque enthusiast, I see a LOT of naked women.  So imagine my surprise when I discovered myself actually UPSET that I would be missing a show that promises to feature none of them.  I’m talking about Dame Cuchifrita, of Brown Girls Burlesque fame, performing tonight at 8pm at Convent of St. Cecillia, 21 Monitor St., Greenpoint, Brooklyn.

I first went to Bali in 1996, specifically to see dance, and was spiritually hypnotized by the people, the food, the music—gamelan orchestras that play with a freneticism you simply won’t hear in Java—and yes, the dance.  The Legong specifically, which features young women and even very young girls, dressed in such tightly-wrapped sarongs that you wonder how they can even move, yet moving so captivatingly, with such exacting prescribed movements—fingers, eyes—that the spirit of the music and the movement washes over you and turns your soul inside out.  Yes, the arak helps, as does the bebek tutu.  I’m not going to get all anthropologist here, but anyone interested in theatre or dance should take an interest in the Balinese school, which envelops spirituality and the need to keep the world’s balance in check.  If I had an intern I’d have her search Youtube for that old Margaret Mead video of the Barong and Rangda dance—straight-up trippy.

So imagine my surprise—our very own Dame Cuchifrita is a former Legong dancer, and tonight’s show promises to encompass “Balinese Dance that is centuries old, in a convent.”  This is a rare opportunity to see a time-tested tradition blended with a much younger, yet also time-tested tradition.  Think Ann Corio possessed by Kali and you’re there.

The show is free, and part of AUNTS ROADSHOW, and you’re encouraged to bring an item to donate to the Free Bar, where you can shop and drink for free all night.  Bagus!

Get thee to Greenpoint and get some religion.  Tell me about it, and get some pictures.  And if you see Cuchifrita, ask her, “Apa kabar?”  And if she asks you, the answer is “baik.”

Kiss kiss,

JDX

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This Friday, November 6th, check out the glorious return of This Is Burlesque with The Pontani Sisters and Murray Hill!

Cultural Capitol talked to Angie Pontani about the new space and the new show. “The new space is fantastic,” she told us. The stage is upstairs at Sweet Carolines on West 45th between 8th and 9th Avenues. “It has a much larger stage and better sight lines for the audience, yet it maintains the intimate style of Corio.  We are also pretty excited to be in Times Square!”

If you loved the extended Pontani burlesque famiglia you won’t be disappointed with the new lineup. Murray Hill, The Pontani Sisters (Angie, Helen, and Peekaboo Pointe) with guests-in-residence Melody Sweets and Little Brooklyn are still the hardest working family in showbiz.

I asked if there were any surprises in store for the upcoming run. “Yes,” Angie said, there will be “new numbers for sure and bigger and better then ever.  With such a large stage we are going to be able to use more props and perform larger group numbers.  The Gin Bath act has a new home — I am so excited to do that act every weekend!”

Friday will be an extra special evening because it is also Angie’s birthday! (Happy birthday!)

Get your tickets now!

This Is Burlesque

Every Friday and Saturday night at 9:30

Sweet Carolines, 322 West 45th Street

For advance tickets call 212-977-3884

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Dragged into the 21st century kicking and screaming, these days I get invited to more events than I could possibly attend, and occasionally wonder how I got invited in the first place or even why I went.  Take last Thursday’s book release party at Destination Bar in the East Village—celebrating the book the world has been waiting for, THIS IS WHY YOU’RE FAT

Cue existential crisis, mad envy, clueless drunkenness, and, yes, fear for the culture of a dying planet.  But before the chilluns deride my old-fashionedness—or just my oldness—let me first say:  I love the website.  The food alternately grosses me out and inspires cravings of the post-bong-hit variety, and above all, Richard Blakeley is a genius.  And a nice guy, alleged crimes aside.  Too bad the bar was packed with Twitterbots. 

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Halloween weekend 2009 was as Halloweenie as you can get. The night itself, when ghouls and ghosts walk the spooky streets of New York, fell on a Saturday. The moon was almost (but not quite) full, and by all accounts it was more debauched than a Night on Bald Mountain. November 1st — All Saints Day — fell respectfully on a gray, cold Sunday, perfect weather for nursing a hangover with comforting dim sum and a bloody mary.

Cold sobriety is the kind of thing you have to ease into though — as hostess-with-the-mostest Calamity Chang knows very well. Tasty eats and visual treats are necessary on Sunday eve to ease a soul back into the work-a-day Purgatory awaiting on Monday. That is why she put together Dim Sum Burlesque at Chow Bar, which will run every Sunday for the rest of the month, and possibly the rest of the year. Calamity Chang told me they are booked for the rest of November, but you might be able to score a table if you walk in. No-shows are held until 9:00. I for one would love to have dim sum burlesque at Chow Bar on Sunday January 3rd 2010.

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Robin Lester Kenton at the Clinton Hill Carnival of Carnage

Happy Halloween! Tonight the good people at 313 Clinton Avenue put on their yearly Halloween show, and it may have been their best ever! The theme this year was “Carnival of Carnage.” As always the production value was top notch. The folks working on the show include some past and present theater folk from the Great White Way who know their way around sound and light equipment. They also know how to edit your favorite Disney songs to give them Brooklyn specific lyrics over the familiar music. Most of the ghouls and monsters in this year’s show crawled out of the ooze of the Gowanus canal, including the mermaid in the picture above, tapping her way into the hearts of the many children in the audience who were enchanted by the spectacle. (It seemed like half the audience was under three years old.)

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DSC_0105_Melody Mudd

Kissy Wishes

It’s a Monday night.  You’re shattered from the weekend.  Your kitchen looks like the floor of a movie theater, and the rest of your apartment like a hotel room used by Van Halen, circa 1984.  You’ve seen so many naked bodies in the last 48 you’re beginning to feel like a nudist.  You hauled butt past hungover and are half a teaspoon of vanilla away from getting your buzz back.  All you want to do is lie on your couch, watch “How I Met Your Mother,” eat some bad Chinese delivery, and pass out.  So why would you want to leave the house? 

The answer:  The Vroom Room. 

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Cool, refreshing, autumn weather of perfection falls to rain, the dreaded brace for winter, and the overwhelming desire to sleep in late every day only to move to the couch and watch movies.  A rattled blogger considers starting a weekly column called “Great Moments from Bad Movies,” his habit is so deep.  His burlesque daydreams conspire into his sleeping life, and the myriad crushes threaten cripple his daily crushes on the L train.  How many crushes can one man nurse at once?  And is burlesque a form of kryptonite?  Hey, if anybody’s out there—this cold kid is looking for some new preoccupations.  Open to suggestions.

But what I really wanted to tell you is this:  It’s SO hard getting out of bed, that the last two mornings I’ve woken up fantasizing about the Slap Chop.  Yes, the Slap Chop.  When I slap that snooze button on my alarm clock, I’m thinking, “Slap your troubles away with the Slap Chop.”  And wouldn’t it be so bitchin’ if you could load up your Slap Chop the night before with fancy fruits, and as you slap your snooze button you’re already chopping up your morning fruit salad?

Ok—even better:  The power cord to your alarm clock is draped across the Slap Chop.  You only have to hit the snooze button once.

A man can dream.  Have a gloomy drizzly New Yorky day.  Meanwhile, if you haven’t seen this lately, enjoy:

Kiss kiss,

JDX

diane

Diane Naegel

We here at CC were intrigued by the Jazz Aged themed parties called “Wit’s End“, so we decided to talk to their hostess to find out more.

CC: Hi Diane! I guess my first question is, where are you from, if not from NYC? Why did you move here, what do you do for work, if that isn’t planning these events? What got you into this style of dress / music / literature? Who is your favorite artist in those genres / periods? What are your other interests? For example, are you into Steam Punk, Victorian Gothic, or 40s swing?; alternatively, do you like macs and cheese, Big Macs, macrobiotic vegan fare? Macrame, textiles, rough spun yarn or spandex? Are you also active in theater or music?

Diane N: I’m actually from the Midwest- Cincinnati, Ohio! I went to fashion school there, and the University of Cincinnati has a cooperative education program where you take six paid internships in your field while you’re in school- so I got to live here in NYC, Seattle, and LA while I was getting my degree…so if you look at it that way, I’ve lived here off and on since 2000- but permanently for the last 4+ years. I’m an accessory designer by day- I actually do all of the kids accessories for OshKosh B’gosh!

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Our decennial head count, the census, is about to take place here in the good old U. S. of A., and an article in Crane’s New York Business (dot com) has some pretty interesting preliminary statistics. Here are a few nuggets.

  • The 2010 census is expected to show that New York City has gained more residents this decade than any other city in the country.
  • It is the only American city with more than 2 million Hispanics and 2 million African-Americans.
  • Manhattan is the only county in the nation where the majority of dwelling units house only one person.
  • The city’s white, non-Hispanic segment of the population is growing — children and adults alike.
  • Immigration from the suburbs, and back to the city, is affecting the demographic makeup of New York City.

This is my favorite quote: “Who are all these people who keep coming to this already densely packed city? Despite Americans’ supposed love affair with single-family dwellings in leafy suburbs, and despite economic downturns, the 2010 census will show that New York City has added, on average, almost a thousand people a week since 2000.”

That’s right. And Joel Kotkin, the conservative, Los Angeles based purveyor of American nostalgia for the automobile can choke on a tail pipe.

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Friday, October 16, 2009.

What is the most sexy part of a woman that you’ve never seen at a burlesque show?

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Sarah Tolar

Sarah Tolar

The event known as The Salon started in Patrick Soluri’s apartment, but by his own admission, it just “got too big.”  Falling into a comfortable niche to the right of the full-on burlesque scene and to the left of overpriced (though fab) modern legal “speakeasies,” the Salon promises “lounging, dancing, and swinging in style.” 

I’ll be the judge of that.

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Bastard Keith with Burlesque Beauties, After-After Party at the Slip, Sat Night

Bastard Keith with Burlesque Beauties, After-After Party at the Slip, Sat Night

Once again, mad congratulations to everyone who helped make the 2009 New York Burlesque Festival a smashing good time. Remember, what happens in the Slipper Room STAYS in the Slipper Room. Big thanks to Angie Pontani and Jen Gapay for bringing us out, and special love and shout-outs to Minnie Tonka, Vicky Sin (can’t believe it took an a*hole like me to buy you a drink in NYC), Darlinda Just Darlinda, Bastard Keith and Madame Rosebud, Brian Newman, and Mel Huckabee. And Scotty, I’ll send you that picture but if you show it around I’m coming to SF and kicking your ass. I’ll bring a stepladder.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, a few out-of-pocket photos from behind (under, around, whatevs) the scenes:

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DSC_0902_Melody MUdd

Sunday, October 4, 2009. The red carpet is calling, and the stars of burlesque are panting for the envied Golden Pasties—and the enthusiasts are panting for the stars of burlesque. It’s been a long weekend, and still, we can’t seem to get enough. If you missed the show—and I pity you—and you want to hear the most outrageous, most scandalous moments of the evening, you’ll have to get me drunk and beat it out of me. Those moments shan’t be repeated here. Just being in the room—in this case, Le Poisson Rouge—with this crowd on a night such as this is akin to sitting in on a gossip session with your sister’s friends as they dish on boys. You know you’re getting the good stuff, and you feel privy to the machinations of a secret society. You just won’t talk. I blush just thinking of Murray Hill’s digital—and by digital I mean fingers, not non-analog—impersonations of… no, really, you had to be there.
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J.D. was a hack and a scoundrel
Who dreamt of writing less mongrel
His own heart was true
And he aimed for haiku
But his hangover left him with doggerel.
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And the results are in!!!

The hottest freshman: Lil Miss Lixx
Best body: Dirty Martini
Most Luggage: Amber Ray
Most likely to appear in Playboy: Angie Pontani
Most scandalous: Gravity Plays Favorites
Most elegant: Amber Ray
Biggest hair: Darlinda Just Darlinda
Hottest mess: Wild Card Kitty
Most sensual: Tie: Kellita & Peekaboo Pointe
Retired revue most missed: Starshine Burlesque
Most classic: Dirty Martini
Kissing bandit: Tigger!
Donald Trump of burlesque: Angie Pontani
Most creative/innovative: Darlinda Just Darlinda
Most likely to end up in Bangkok missing a kidney: Sparkly Devil
Hottest cougar: Jo Boobs
Positively perfect posterior: Helen Pontani

Hells yeah!

(Sat. & Sun. coverage coming soon… xx JDX)

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Friday, October 2, 2009.  The Bell House, Brooklyn.

It’s almost impossible to imagine history, even in the clarity of hindsight—not that our hindsight has any clarity, since we were all younger and drunker when history happened and, thankfully, we’ve forgotten the dingier incidents.  But seven years ago, two enterprising young women got it into their heads to start a burlesque festival in the greatest city on earth.  Fast forward through the post-game of a terrorist attack, an economic sinkhole, the election of a black president—and now a thousand people have schlepped out to Gowanus and are screaming their fool heads off for a Japanese guy to take off his clothes.  (Sergei—Japan’s George Michael Jackson.)

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Mimi_le_meaux_0068_Melody Mudd

 Thursday, October 1, 2009.  A chilly fall eve as we stand outside in anticipation, a heat building in our hearts and souls for the love of glamour, fanfare, and… nekkid women.  As they say in the south, naked is when you got no clothes on; nekkid is when you got no clothes on and are up to no good.  Amen. 

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Mr. and Mrs. Macbeth with their little stillborn demon child

October 1st, 2009

Macbeth is appropriate to autumn and October. Macbeth’s colors are red and black; the poetry evokes the lengthening of nights and shortening days; and it’s full of witches and ghosts. Pecfect for the month of Halloween! I went with Lesterhead to see Strike Anywhere and ANITYA’s joint production of “Macbeth Variations II” at the Irondale Center in the Lafayette Avenue Presbyterian Church on Lafayette and South Oxford St. in Fort Greene tonight. The production definitely set the mood for a spooky October.

There are a few things you might want to know before you go see the play. First, Strike Anywhere and ANITYA are based in New York and Paris respectively. It is performed in both English and French. Unfortunately the Irondale Center, unlike the Met, doesn’t provide subtitles in glowing green LED in the banquette in front of you. For those who either know French or know the text of Macbeth or both, this isn’t an issue. If you speak English but not French and don’t know the play well, it can be confusing. Second, this is an interpretation of Macbeth, not a staging of Shakespeare’s play. If you get upset when directors cut the Bard’s plays, you definitely won’t like this. Third, the philosophy of the joint company prioritizes improvisation. As they say on their website, it’s never the same play two nights in a row. If you love surprises and don’t mind the occasional sour note that’s great; if flat moments take you out of the action, you might be disappointed. On the other hand, if the classics bore you but you feel compelled to get cultured anyway, this production is both edgy and old skool.

I would give you my take with no chaser, but I happened to overhear a conversation as I was walking out of the theater that I think says it all about what this show accomplishes. Three men, all in their mid-20s, were walking ahead of me on the sidewalk as we left the theater, and this is what I heard. (I’ve given them names. If this is you, and I gave you the wrong name, email the blog’s administrator.)

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The New York Burlesque Festival starts tonight.  Stay tuned for coverage… but better, yet, come see for yourself.

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Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Thursday, Oct. 1: Teaser Party
Public Assembly
Doors Open At 8pm
Get there at 8pm sharp for a very special Dr. Sketchy’s where you can try your hand at drawing a burlesque beauty!

Friday, Oct 2 Premiere Party
The Bell House
Doors Open at 8pm
Show Starts at 9pm
149 7th Street (between 2nd & 3rd), Brooklyn

Saturday, Oct. 3
The Saturday Spectacular
BB Kings
Doors Open at 6:30pm
Show Starts at 7:30pm
237 West 42nd Street, 7/8

 NYBF Official Festival After Party
11pm-1am
DJ Hitman Hearn (London) plus gorgeous Go-Go Girls & more!

Free entry for all NYBF ticket holders and performers!
at Lucille’s Bar
VIP ticket holders are guaranteed premiere floor seating, please arrive with your full party!

Sunday, Oct 4: The Golden Pastie Awards
Le Poisson Rouge
Doors Open at 7pm
Show Starts at 8pm
158 Bleecker,  Thompson / Sullivan 

by J.D. Oxblood

jdx-avatar-pick-1

I’ve never really had a strong feeling about New Year’s—other than the general sinking feeling that it was amateur’s night out, that every bar would be packed with misbehaving D-bags, that the drivers on the road lack the training necessary for successful drunk driving, etc.  For me, the year begins in September.  Accepting that the Gregorian calendar is largely arbitrary, accepting that other traditions dictate a different “reset button”—see Chinese New Year, or Rosh Hashana, which, this year, fell coincidentally in line with my thesis—let’s face it, we’re all trained from a young age to think of the year resetting when school starts.  For at least 18 years, September marks the beginning of a new year.  Fresh yellow Ticonderogas with perfectly flattened ends, smelling vaguely of sawdust; a spanking new Trapper Keeper; stiff Huskys and Lees; a new schedule to learn and new classes to ditch; new teachers to break in, new students to be eyed by, new girls to check out and assess slutability.  For all its impending sense of dread and end, Fall has always smelled like the beginning.

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by J.D. Oxblood

isabella

I know, I know, we’ve been bad little bloggers.  Between my out-of-country exploits in August and the proprietor’s impending nuptials, we’ve been a little slammed.  And my “Back to School” story is SO late my editor is threatening to dock my wages—which, being nonexistent, provides little leverage as threat.  So consider this notice:  We’re coming back, and we’re coming back in force.  Brace yourself for the New York Burlesque Festival.  And before I rave over Isabella, one WAY belated thanks—Brian Newman, for having us at Duane Park to celebrate the bachelor party.  Brian, you got class you ain’t even used yet.  Thanks a million for taking care of us—that was a night to remember.  (Too bad none of us do.)

So last night I went down to Tribeca to see the lovely, luscious, internet-lascivious Isabella Rosellini.  I’ve been in love with her for 20 years, natch, so the chance to see her in person was a draw in and of itself.  And yeah, she still looks fantastic.  But her latest claim to fame—as if being Ingrid Bergman’s daughter wasn’t enough, or as if anyone could ever forget that scene in “Blue Velvet”—is the runaway internet hit “Green Porno,” now a book, complete with DVD of all the episodes so far.  As Is put is so candidly, the internet has no business model, no way for the artists to get paid, “no way to bring the money back.”  Seeing how the Redford rubles (Sundance) only foots the production bill, releasing a book is a way for everyone to cash in.  And here I am in Tribeca watching “Green Porno” with a bunch of strangers.

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Rockaway taco 05

In honor of Summer’s last hurrah I went biking down to the Rockaways to sample the newly famous Rockaway Tacos. We had fish tacos topped with the spiciest sauce in the sauce rack, Mexican style corn on the cob, roasted with cheese, and some delicious home made lemonade.

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Jacob's Ladder

Playground in South Williamsburg. I think if you play long enough aliens talk to you out of a crackling cloud.

Ezekiel-Vision-Merkaba

Then up you go!

jacobs-ladder

Do you advocate equal rights for everyone? Of course you do. Who would say (in public) that they don’t want equal rights, a level playing field, and equal protection under the law? OK, we both know who would say such things (ahem, Limbaugh). But there are more of us than them, and it’s important that they know it. That’s why the National Equality March has been organized to take place in Washington D. C. on October 11th. It is of the utmost importance that the most people march for equality as possible to remind our elected representatives that their constituents support basic human dignity and the right to life, liberty, and happiness for men, women, and children, people of all races and creeds, monetary ability, and sexual and gender orientation.

In order to make sure that all New Yorkers who lack transportation but want to attend the march can, Christine Elmo and Kim Braun are throwing a fundraiser at Jimmy’s 43 in Manhattan. The fun includes performances by burlesque star Red Sonja, musical acts by Shani E. Manor and Siobhan O’Malley, and a cabaret act featuring Jay Paranada, Laura Nell Dubuisson, Megan Buzzard, Calvin Thompson and Roderick Borden with accompanist Rachel Kaufman.

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Trow paper towls

If this were in China one might call it “Chinglish.” But this sign is in a bathroom in Midtown Manhattan, in an upscale Indian deli. Those of us who claim English heritage can’t help but take a little pride in the fact that our oppressive, imperialist forebears spread our language and culture so far and wide that we don’t have to learn another language. English is the lingua franca of the world. Even though there are more than 1,500 languages spoken in India, I can travel the whole of the subcontinent without knowing a word of any of them. (Thank you T. B. Macaulay!) Sure, that means I can be a bit condescending and simultaneously ignorant, but what do you want? An ethno-linguistic anthropologist?

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Columbia tent city

These tents were set up on Columbia’s campus as extra housing for incoming students. They also look a bit like a Hooverville, though probably not intentionally. The New York Times is reporting today that the teenage jobless rate is the highest it has been since they started keeping records in the 40s, three times the unemployment rate of the rest of the country. So to you 18-year-olds whose parents can afford it, back to school!

band on the run

These guys were playing in Washington Square Park recently. I didn’t catch their name. They looked and sounded like the early Beatles.

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