By J.D. Oxblood

As a card-carrying member of Our Bitter Lady’s Church of the Pessimist, I hate to be right, but I totally called this one.

Quote: How long before Levi Johnston totally bails on his wedding plans?

Answer: About 4 months.

The following is from the AP by way of the Huffington Post:

Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin, the teenage daughter of Gov. Sarah Palin, have broken off their engagement, he said Wednesday, about 2 1/2 months after the couple had a baby. Johnston, 19, told The Associated Press that he and 18-year-old Bristol Palin mutually decided “a while ago” to end their relationship. He declined to elaborate as he stood outside his family’s home in Wasilla, about 40 miles north of Anchorage.

Apparently I was a little off in my prediction, as I assumed it would be Levi calling Bristol “trailer trash.” According to Levi’s sister, it’s Bristol calling Levi “white trash.” Details, details. Not that I believe Levi’s sister, who claims that Bristol has cut Levi off from his kid, and that Bristol is “just crazy.” I mean, how could Bristol have turned out crazy? Her mother is completely level-headed, she was instilled with good, American, Christian values, and waited until she was 17 to get knocked up out of wedlock—which is, like, totally kosher since the age of consent in Alaska is 16.

The good news for Levi is that he only tattooed Bristol’s name on his ring finger—a digit easily severed, especially since he won’t be needing it any more. What better reminder to never get engaged—especially not in support of a future in-law’s bid for power—than not having a ring finger?