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Paul Herbig and Richard Altmanshofer in "Donnie and the Monsters"
Kids live in a world full of problems. Who can help? Mom and dad have their own problems. Heck, sometimes they are the problem. Best friends are fickle, especially in those crucial years between the halcyon innocence of deep childhood and the flowering of full adolescence. Tell your friend a shameful secret in confidence, and when school starts again after summer break, your best friend has a new best friend, and the whole class is sniggering about you behind your back. You might as well tell your troubles to Mr. Chips, your fat, black lab, the soul of patience, or a sock puppet. At least Mr. Chips won’t talk back.
Check out this video edited by the ever-talented Ms. Calamity Chang, of Beatles Burlesque, featuring Ticket To Ride’s cover of “Oh Darlin”. (Calamity: what are you NOT able to do?) Oh, and still photography by your humble burlesque photographer, me, Ms. Melody Mudd.
And go to this show, if you haven’t, or if you have. It’s fantasticaly fun! Every second Monday of the month at Public Assembly, Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
The best thing about Revealed is… well, ok. The SECOND best thing about Revealed are the ludicrous mind-sausages that pour out of the attic grinder of Bastard Keith at the start of the second act, in the form of email exchanges between himself and Co-Producer Doc Wassabasco. (We’re still waiting on email exchanges between BK and Co-Producer Gigi LaFemme.) When these infonet chatterings are particularly hilarious, I simply have to share. -JDX
DOC:
Keith, I’m drunk. Summer is almost over. It’s enough to make a man listen to Don Henley records and cry. So I’m going to do that. How’s it going on your end? Any thoughts on this month’s show?
Your Boy of Summer,
Doc
KEITH:
Excelsior, Doc!
Man oh MAN has summer come and gone quickly! Let me tell you, when you’ve dedicated your life to entertainment as I have, all you do is sit at home and refine your skills and try not to get bored in your own company. But in May, I discovered that I had become unmistakably the greatest talent in the world and could not improve, so a lot of free time opened up. It’s been a delightful blur of wild sex, single-malt scotch, vintage Edwardian spanking pornography and childrens’ theater. Here’s a list of the best stuff I can remember:
By J.D. Oxblood
(July 13, 2010)
The artist Skye Ferrante has done something novel that, perhaps, no artist has done before—given a share of his profits to the artist’s model. Throughout the course of art history, models either paid FOR the work—think of all the commissioned portraits hanging in the Met—or were paid very little, by the hour, for standing still, hours at a time, or, if anything extra, models got slipped the Matisse. In the new show at Nolita’s “Erotic Luxury” shop, Coco de Mer, the art of burlesque is on display in three different media: photography by Don Spiro, watercolors by Luma Rouge, and wire sculptures by Skye Ferrante. Often the same performer is represented in all three media, and the performer will receive a cut on sale of any work. While the art on display is amazing, the revolutionary concept of the show is even more so. Ferrante’s goal is to get burlesque-derived art into the hands of private owners, and get some money into the pockets of said performers. Besides, as he put it, these pieces of art are “cheaper than a bottle at The Box.”
I woke up the morning after Calamity Chang’s second installment of “Beatles Burlesque” at Pubic Ass, I had glitter on my face and “Don’t Let Me Down” ringing in my head. If you want to hear letter-perfect Beatles music played by mop tops, you should stay home and watch “A Hard Day’s Night” on Netflix. But if you want to hear the Beatles’ catalog artfully interpreted by a brass balls banshee righteously rocking your soul, get your beatnik butt to the next installment of Beatles Burlesque. Oh, and you also get to see hot chicks take their clothes off.
Read the rest of this entry »
Miss Astrid eviscerated James Brown’s “This is a Man’s World,” Ms. Tickle was toppled with 3 trophies, and the crowd went literally apeshit for Monkey. As always, the Burlesque Hall of Fame Weekend was dazzling and completely overwhelming. Yes, there is much, much more to tell… but for now, the winners. I gotta get to the pool party.
Winners of the 2010 Queen of Burlesque (formerly Miss Exotic World):
Most Innovative: Ms. Tickle
Most Comical: The Evil Hate Monkey
Most Classic: Mimi LeMeaux
Most Dazzling: Ms. Tickle
Best Debut: Ms. Tickle
Best Group: The Chicago Starlets
Best Variety Act: Lola Martinet and Tila Von Twirl
Best Boylesque: The Evil Hate Monkey
Queen of Burlesque 2nd Runner up: Nasty Canasta
Queen of Burlesque 1st Runner up: Kristina Nekyia
Queen of Burlesque: Roxi Dlite
Congratulations to all the winners and to everyone who competed!
It was raining in Brooklyn this morning and the glistening, Spring-ripened trees gave off a lush, fecund aroma that executed the maneuver that only the olfactory can—transported me. I was back in Alaska, shuffling to work in my rain gear, rustling loudly with that “voopa-voopa” vinyl sound. I’d slept less than 4 hours, was facing another 18-hour day, and was ready for anything. I was young; I was stupid and I didn’t yet know it. There’s something magical about finding yourself in an unexpected place, meeting unexpected people, making memories that you’ll spend the rest of your days trying to live down. It’s a rite of passage, and this summer a group of much-more-gorgeous-than-I adventurers (and let’s hope, more intelligent) pick up the mantle to do their part in expanding the great American Dream: the Tour. That’s right: Dangerous Curves Ahead, the New York burlesque tour, is on the road. Be aroused. Be very aroused.
My mother lives in another state, which got me off the hook for the whole super-crowded, over-priced, awful-service brunch madness. Don’t get me wrong—Mother’s Day is by far the best of the Hallmark-invented holidays. Rather than make everyone feel awful about themselves and the sad state of their relationships (or lack thereof) like Valentine’s Day, this day encourages everyone in the land to—if nothing else—call their mothers. Which is a good thing. I sent flowers, but that’s because I’m still basically apologizing for everything I put my poor, long-suffering mother through in the 9 months I lived in her belly, the 18 years I lived in her house, and all the ensuing years that I’ve lived by the seat of my pants, worrying her that the cops will find me dead in a ditch.
Melody’s mom works on Sunday, so I had a photog. All of this was good for me—and good for you, dear reader, dear pervy pix collector, dear narcissistic burlesque performer—because we were able to attend the latest fantabulous Jen Gapay production, “A Salute to the Mothers of Burlesque” at the Highline Ballroom. (Sunday, May 9, 2010) Mad props to Jen—and to my fairy glam-mother, Jo “Boobs” Weldon—for putting this one together.
Our dear Miss Melody Mudd has been hard at work photo editing like a hurricane, and yours (cough) truly is pounding the keys. It’s been a busy week–Sunday’s double feature The Mothers of Burlesque and Lucha Vavoom, Monday’s Beatles Burlesque with Calamity Chang and Broadway Brassy, and Wednesday night we wished bon voyage to the lovely ladies of Dangerous Curves Ahead–the kickass NYC tour literally sweeping the nation. Phantabulous photos and hopped-up op-eds on all of the above ARE coming, very soon. Meanwhile, check out this humble video of yours truly hard at work on the latest piece.
JDX
I am sure I don’t need to tell you about Veronica Varlow’s cheekbones – they speak for themselves. This stunning beauty has movie-star cheekbones to compliment her beautiful, lithe body.
Sigh.
I popped into the Slipper Room the other night and found Ms. Varlow celebrating her birthday with her fabulous friends. I took some photos like I like to do – ps Calamity Chang was there dressed all in RED (while she was dressed) – and then… I cannot tell you what happened after. Because I am not sure. I do know that I left my credit card and ID at the bar. I also know that it was a classic Wenesday night at the Slip…
Here is a photo, done two ways, for your Friday Fun.
Yours in Burlesque-i-ness,
Melody
Photos by me, Melody Mudd. Contact me at melodymudd@gmail.com. I’m friendly. I am also on flickr, twitter, & facebook, of course.
This week, Princess Madeleine of Sweden broke off her engagement with D-bag-of-the-hour Jonas Bergstrom, allegedly because he cheated on her with slut-of-the-hour Tora Uppstrom Berg. She says that she didn’t know who he was. I can almost buy that. She’s quoted as saying, “Had I known, I would never do anything like this. I feel sorry for Madeleine for having an unfaithful man.” Yet she ran out and told a Norwegian gossip magazine all about it.
I liked this story, not just because it wasn’t about someone I’d never met whom I already knew WAY too much about, but because the story was neat and tidy and kind of righteous. Dude cheated, dude got caught, and the smokin’ hottie PRINCESS ditched him. Done and done. It’s been a busy year, and the names Jesse James Tiger Woods Sandra Bullock Tiger Woods Michelle “Bombshell” McGee Tiger Woods Bruce Springsteen Tiger Woods John Edwards Tiger Woods are starting to run Tiger together Woods.
I don’t care if it isn’t even May yet. It’s ALMOST May. And then it’s ALMOST June. And then there is VEGAS. And then MERMAID. In the same month – Miss Exotic World AND Mermaid Parade. So maybe it’s a bit early, but I am super excited which means I am going through old photos of both. I found a few candid shots of happy sea creatures from last year’s Mermaid and thought I would share for Friday Fun. Maybe this year won’t be so grey and rainy… although umbrellas are one of my fave accessories.
Enjoy.
exes and ohs,
Melody
All photos ©2009 Melody Mudd. Contact me at melodymudd@gmail.com and find me on flickr, twitter, & facebook.
Ms. Calamity Chang
Were you there? I was. The line-up of Calamity Chang‘s latest initiative, Beatles Burlesque, was fabulous – Ms. Calamity Chang has been doing this for a while and she knows what she’s doing. To say nothing of the PR. I was psyched to see that this show was listed, like, EVERYwhere. I grabbed my camera and headed out to Public Assembly on Monday night, and here is some of what I captured, for your viewing pleasure. If you can imagine the powerful vocals of Broadway Brassy leading the excellent band through a solid collection of Beatles numbers while you peruse the gallery below, you might get a taste of my night. Enjoy.
Indigo Blue at BHF weekend pool party, June 2009. Photo by Melody Mudd.
One of the many aspects of burlesque that I love so very much in addition to the humor and intelligence that are so often found in any given number, is the wardrobe. And I say “wardrobe” rather than “costumes” because, well, the costumes are always so madly gorgeous, crafty and innovative, yes, but the wardrobe that so many of the lovely ladies and gentlemen of BQ strut around in on a sunny afternoon is just FABULOUS.
Case in point. Miss Indigo Blue. Poolside. Vegas. In Rainbow. Note footwear.
Yours in Burlesque-y-ness,
Melody
Come and find me on facebook, flickr and twitter. Or email me at melodymudd@gmail.com
Madame Rosebud in Lurid Pulp, 2009 by Melody Mudd
Find me on flickr, facebook, twitter, and at melodymudd@gmail.com
Leroi the Girl Boy
The Slipper Room is a sure thing. Espesh on a Saturday night. I made a point to hit it on a night when Tatah was in town, and Leroi was out – haven’t spotted her in a while – and Minnie, and Darlinda and Dirty and Rosewood and Monkey and Trixie and Saturn and…what needs to be said here? The lineup speaks for itself. Here is the evidence. Enjoy.
Bastard Keith (photo by Melody Mudd)
[Bastard Keith, the host, performer and self-styled "contumely adept" is, begrudgingly, one of the more satisfying anti-bromides in this twisted city. You can catch him on the third Wednesday of the month hosting Wassabasco's REVEALED BURLESQUE, and every month, Bastard Keith reads an "email exchange" between him and Doc. Last week's--falling as it did on St. Paddy's (vomit) day, was particularly side-stitching. In case you missed it, BK was kind enough to share his mixologistic insights. Written by Bastard Keith; neither I nor CC take any responsibility for what may befall you if you whip of any of these cocktails. xx --JDX]
The Irish deserve a holiday. There’s a reason Jewish holidays never get much traction on a national level, and it’s not just that no one likes Jews. It’s because no Jewish holidays revolve around getting dangerously inebriated and playing darts. Also, Jews also have no drinks named after a terrorist act. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never had a Gaza Car Bomb. I bet it tastes like lemons and sadness.
Speaking of that…here are the mixes for a couple of my favorite cocktails. And I promise, no more terrorism jokes. I am a gentleman.
The Kobayashi Maru: Sake, candyfloss and crack.
The Burlesque Photographer: Whatever you’re drinking, and then they demand credit.
The GOP: This one’s easy. Just piss in a glass and say it’s lemonade.
The Long Island Iced Tea Party: You can put anything in it and some idiot will drink it. Unless it’s a Black bartender, in which case they’ll send it back and call him a racist.
The Single Payer Healthcare: A drink that everyone else has but never seems to arrive for you.
The Democrat: This one started out as straight whiskey, but now it’s mostly water.
The Jay Leno: Expired beer. No one really likes it. But you keep getting refills when you don’t want them.
The Ann Coulter: A Slim Jim in a tall glass of raw 151. You can’t stomach it, but you’re kind of amazed something so vile exists.
The Rush Limbaugh: Three pints of boxed wine with bacon bits and Cialys floating in it, served in a hollowed out barbeque chicken. With a half smoked cigar garnish.
The Glenn Beck: O’Doul’s and the tears of confused infants. Never served with nuts.
The Bastard Keith: Pure Scottish Single Malt with just a HINT of meth, served on a silk napkin by a beautiful woman dressed in latex. And for that extra pinch of Keith, make sure you give it a twist RIGHT on the rim.
Excelsior!
–Bastard Keith
Minnie Tonka & Darlinda Just Darlinda advertise their upcoming show, The Burning Bush vs. The Second Coming. Photo ©2010 Melody Mudd
I LOVE when the religious and the burlesque come together to turn me on.
And Minnie and Darlinda seem to know this very well. They drop something fabulous at every major holiday. Ladies, I HEART what you do so much. Have I told you this lately? I cannot WAIT for Moses and Jesus to duke it out. At Le Poisson Rouge – when was the last time you saw prophets partying at Le Poisson Rouge? With Lady Rizo and Tigger hosting??? I mean really. The linup is gorgeous, obvs – don’t miss this show. I will see you there.
April 3, show is at 8p, produced by the Schlep Sisters and Thirsty Girl Productions. Check out the FB page with all the info here: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/event.php?eid=327069514398&ref=mf
Yours in burlesque-y-ness,
Melody
Photo by Melody Mudd. Contact: melodymudd@gmail.com or find me on facebook, twitter, flickr.
The inimitable Julie Atlas Muz @ Le Poisson Rouge
Thursday March 11, 2010 (with mad props to Angie Pontani & Sapphire Jones)
For New Yorkers, being away from New York is refreshing. While returning to New York may be like a fish being dropped back into the water, leaving in the first place is more like a jungle cat being given a weekend pass from the zoo. You discover things you’d forgotten… clean air, open spaces, people who are nice to you for no reason at all, patio furniture that isn’t bolted down to anything, women who don’t know they’re beautiful, people who like their jobs.
Murray Hill with the Schlep Sisters
Whenever I come back to New York after an extended absence, I generally revert to my old a-hole self inside of five minutes—it usually happens when I’m trying to get out of the airport. But I catch my breath, I try to remember how I got so relaxed in the first place, and I wander in a daze for a week or two. Sometimes, the feeling of healing is more lasting. Sometimes, like yesterday, I find myself walking a particular block of Midtown that I’ve walked a quadrillion times before and suddenly, for no good reason, am reminded to look up, to take it in, to remember that, for people all over the world, what I’m seeing is wonderful, spectacular, unusual—in other words, beautiful. It’s easy to forget, ain’t it? Again, I walked into a midtown eatery that I know too well (Variety, on 48th Street, if you know it) and wandered around like a tourist for a good seven minutes quite simply in AWE of all the fantastic food on offer. Hot sandwiches, cold sandwiches, every drink known to man, desserts, a bbq bar, and endless open displays of hot foods sold by the pound. So many choices! All under one roof! Ladies and gentlemen, most of the world just doesn’t have it this good!
Which brings me to the immortal preoccupation. Yes, we still have the hottest women in the world. Five minutes on the street—or four minutes on the subway—and I’m slap-in-the-face reminded of why I’ve stayed in this cesspool so long. So many beautiful women, all shapes, all sizes, all colors and all backgrounds.
So it was with particular pleasure, longing, and home-sweet-home-ness that I jumped at (insert superlative) Angie Pontani’s invitation to attend the Queens of Burlesque at Le Poisson Rouge.
House of Sugar Exhibits Ed Barnas' Burlesque Photographs
For my fellow burlesque followers and fans, if you missed the Ed Barnas Exhibit at House of Sugar on Monday night, March 1, I’m so sorry, but you can at least check out the photos that were on display, here:
http://www.edbarnas.com/exhibit/20100301pa/
I have to say, in this uber-digital age, it is exciting to head out on a cold winter night to check out a selection of photos that have been chosen, printed, framed, hung and lit for one’s viewing pleasure. And even more so when you are a fan of the artist, as I am of Ed Barnas.
The show was at Public Assembly, or as some of us still call it, the old Galapagos, in the front room that used to be the pool. It’s a great space for it – lots of room, separate from the bar area but still a couple of steps away from a cocktail, and with a glass storefront, so hip Williamsburgy passers-by can peep in and wonder what all the excitement is about. They also put up a full slideshow of Ed’s shots on a screen up on the stage in the main room. Good stuff.
I do wish I could have stayed for the performaces that evening, but could not, not this time around anyway. See y’all real soon on the scene.
yours in burlesque-y-ness,
Melody
facebook ~ flickr ~ twitter
You’ve probably come across this photo several times by now, but several people made comments about it going black and white, so here it is:
Bastard Keith & BB Heart at the Burlesque Blitz. Photo ©2009 Melody Mudd.
You dig?
For hi-rez images please contact melodymudd@gmail .com
by J.D. Oxblood
Because, really, it is like a drug. And I was on it. And don’t you just love an unreliable narrator? Doesn’t it remind you of the basic unreliability of memory itself?
Bourbon Street
Way back in October I did a brilliant thing—I convinced my entourage to get it together and bought plane tickets to New Orleans and I found us an apartment on Toledano a block off St. Charles—read: right on the parade route. How was I to know that the afore-known “Ain’ts” would win the super bowl and get the whole nation—Yankees included—yellin’ “Who dat?”
Here it is folks – ten days overdue, a gallery of sextacularly hot photos for your visual pleasure. In case you missed it, Joey Nova premiered his much-anticipated Sextacular! Sextaculer! last Saturday, January 30, at Hiro Ballroom. The evening was a perfect blend of classic burlesque, aerials, acrobatics, fire work, rap, musical numbers, live bands and Joey Nova surrounded by lovely beauties, as usual, just being his cute Dreamboaty self. Let’s face it, Ladies and Boys, the man is a Boat of Dreams.
Last Tuesday at the Knitting Factory in Williamsburg was the 4th annual Rock ‘n’ Roll auction to benefit the Willie Mae Rock Camp For Girls, hosted by our CC fave Mr Murray Hill.
The Awkward Turtles
Sapphire
The auction was also a showcase for a couple of rock camp bands, The Awkward Turtles and Sapphire. (Did I mention Kaki King performed too?) Keep your eyes out for the young graduates of the Willie Mae Rock Camp For Girls. The Awkward Turtles played with a lot of heart and a lot of charm, and Sapphire — whoa boy! — these young ladies (their lead singer is in seventh grade) are ready for the big time now. Check out their website here. If there is any justice in the world they’ll be the next Jonas Brothers, cuz they are CUUUUTEE!!! omg. It’s like The Indigo Girls meet The Jackson 5.
Murray rocked the auction, which was supposed to be silent, but ended up being out loud. As Murray said, “What’s the big deal? I’ve got the biggest mouth in the room!” But like all good causes they could probably use an extra dollar or two. If you want to contribute, do so through the Willie Mae Rock Camp For Girls website.
The best case for giving was given by Sapphire in their song “More Who Have Less”. It was written just this month, a couple of days before the earthquake in Haiti, and the girls sang it for them. Check it out…
Joey Nova's Sextacular! Sextacular! Photo ©2010 Melody Mudd.
Joey Nova surrounded by gorgeous performers, as usual, at the top of the Sextacular! Sextacular! premiere at Hiro Ballroom, January 30, 2010. Clockwise from Joey, who is the hot guy in the photo: Marcee Beaucoup, Sizzle Dizzle, Bird of Paradise, Vikki Likkerish and Stella Bordella. This is the teaser shot, folks. Please tune in shortly for the full photo essay by yours truly.
For lots and lots of burlesque photos, See Melody’s flickr photostream here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/43399907@N03/
The Lovely Ladies of Capital City Burlesque, hailing from Edmonton in Alberta, Canada, milling about in the lobby of the Orleans Casino, Miss Exotic World Weekend 2009. Oh what a fantabulous weekend it was. Seen here from left to right: Ruby Gallows, Lucky L’Amour and Miss Motor Joan.
If you haven’t read it yet, check out JD’s piece that inspired the posting of this photo – Vegas looked like this at some other fabulous point in time, right? It wasn’t always tourists in shorts and t-shirts…
Photo ©2009 by Melody Mudd
LAMPHEAD by Melody Mudd.
Feeding the Monkeys in Thailand. Photo ©2008 Melody Mudd
Custom Mad Lib (JDX) with fill-ins by Gal Friday, Minnie Tonka and Jo Boobs
Have I said how much I hate Christmas? I know, I’ve been too busy to properly VENT, the way blogs were intended. Didn’t even post my much-needed-by-society “Subway Etiquette,” which should have been obvious to anyone who had to ride a train since Thanksgiving. Whatevs. Humbug. Carriage return.
IF I have anything to look forward for NEXT year’s holiday season, it will be a rerun of this year’s piece of inflaccid brilliance by Bastard Keith et al, “B.K. Saves Chanukah” as part of the Burlesque Blitz at the Kraine. Pity it was only went one night. I would have gone back. Effin hilarious, totally hot, and quite possibly the most seamless blend of narrative, nudity, and ne’er-do’well-otry this reporter has seen on a thrust stage. (I know, Kraine’s technically not a thrust, but it’s not a black box either and there just aren’t any good double entendre’s coming off of “proscenium.” Perineum? Peritoneum? Forget it.) If there had been live music—and a door man who didn’t blow smoke in my face, mumble “Ah’m ‘bout to kick someone’s ass” and then, when I said “Excuse me?” bark that he was “On the phone”—well, if there’d been live music, anyway, I would have been in pervert/nudey-junky/bad-joke heaven.
‘Tis the season of holiday parties, corporate and otherwise. On the longest night of the year my companion and I dropped in on the SPI Marketing holiday party at the Rootstein Mannequin Showroom on West 19th Street and 7th Ave in Chelsea.
