Cool, refreshing, autumn weather of perfection falls to rain, the dreaded brace for winter, and the overwhelming desire to sleep in late every day only to move to the couch and watch movies.  A rattled blogger considers starting a weekly column called “Great Moments from Bad Movies,” his habit is so deep.  His burlesque daydreams conspire into his sleeping life, and the myriad crushes threaten cripple his daily crushes on the L train.  How many crushes can one man nurse at once?  And is burlesque a form of kryptonite?  Hey, if anybody’s out there—this cold kid is looking for some new preoccupations.  Open to suggestions.

But what I really wanted to tell you is this:  It’s SO hard getting out of bed, that the last two mornings I’ve woken up fantasizing about the Slap Chop.  Yes, the Slap Chop.  When I slap that snooze button on my alarm clock, I’m thinking, “Slap your troubles away with the Slap Chop.”  And wouldn’t it be so bitchin’ if you could load up your Slap Chop the night before with fancy fruits, and as you slap your snooze button you’re already chopping up your morning fruit salad?

Ok—even better:  The power cord to your alarm clock is draped across the Slap Chop.  You only have to hit the snooze button once.

A man can dream.  Have a gloomy drizzly New Yorky day.  Meanwhile, if you haven’t seen this lately, enjoy:

Kiss kiss,

JDX

Advertisement